Boundaries 101: What You Need To Know

“Boundaries” is a word thrown around by everybody and their momma these days.

When it comes to us neurodivergent people, it almost feels laughable to talk about.

Look: We live in information overload.

Having boundaries is a daily mental task.

Many people don’t have the energy for them, and that’s the reality.

But for those of us with the energy to make small slivers of space in our lives, boundaries are absolutely essential to getting more time to heal.

If you can set boundaries, you can begin creating the life you want to live.

That’s the power of boundaries.

Boundaries 101: What You Need To Know

1. Boundaries are yours to set.

Many people might say having a daily newsletter is having no boundaries.

But what one person thinks is having no boundaries is another person’s perfect scenario.

Point is: Different people are gonna have different boundaries.

This means they’re also going to have opinions about your boundaries, because they’re different.

Understand that, and everything else that follows becomes easy.

2. Boundaries must have explicit consequences.

Many people don’t recognize a boundary when it’s being set by words alone.

If someone seems resistant or straight-up ignoring your boundary, make sure you clearly say, “I am setting a boundary, and if you continue to [do XYZ action], I will be leaving this [conversation/room/relationship].” to be sure of their reaction.

Don’t get me wrong: This is not a “fix it” line—assholes will still dismiss, deny, or downplay what you say.

3. Boundaries can—will—change.

Oftentimes, we aren’t aware of what our boundaries actually are until we’re in the situation that pressures them.

You must be willing to accept instantaneously changed boundaries.

New experiences create new boundaries.

4. Boundaries must be upheld by you.

It isn’t a boundary unless you can uphold it.

People might say they respect your boundaries and then continue to do the thing they supposedly apologized for.

This is your signal to uphold your boundary and enact a consequence.

No one else’s gonna do it for you.

Today, Check-in With Your Boundaries.

Yup, that’s the list!

I told you it was going to be 101—but let me know if you want 102.

Then, check-in with yourself:

• When was the last time you made sure you felt your needs were getting met?

• Have you ever truly checked-in with your needs?

Take a moment to do so now.

What do you need more of?

Who do you need it from?